I never have less fun watching baseball than when watching the Yankees play the Red Sox, and yet I watch every single game. All 638 of them. Every season. Maybe tonight will be different. Maybe tonight it will be fun to watch Youkilis and Pedroia scowl and gesticulate and throw tantrums at the plate. Maybe tonight it will be enjoyable to watch the Yankees pitching staff get bludgeoned over the course of the seven-hour game. Maybe tonight I’ll find Beckett’s Sophomore-Year-I-Borrowed-My-Brother’s-ID-So-The-Beer’s-On-Me-Tonight-Fellas goatee and Papelbon’s asinine pucker delightful and charming. But probably not. Probably I’ll sit and stare at the TV and mumble, “Fuck. Fuck that. Fuck me. Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me. Jesus Christ. Fucking come on. Fuck.” repeatedly like Raymond Babbitt’s evil twin. Go Yanks?

I never have less fun watching baseball than when watching the Yankees play the Red Sox, and yet I watch every single game. All 638 of them. Every season.

Maybe tonight will be different. Maybe tonight it will be fun to watch Youkilis and Pedroia scowl and gesticulate and throw tantrums at the plate. Maybe tonight it will be enjoyable to watch the Yankees pitching staff get bludgeoned over the course of the seven-hour game. Maybe tonight I’ll find Beckett’s Sophomore-Year-I-Borrowed-My-Brother’s-ID-So-The-Beer’s-On-Me-Tonight-Fellas goatee and Papelbon’s asinine pucker delightful and charming.

But probably not. Probably I’ll sit and stare at the TV and mumble, “Fuck. Fuck that. Fuck me. Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me. Jesus Christ. Fucking come on. Fuck.” repeatedly like Raymond Babbitt’s evil twin.

Go Yanks?

9 months ago